We · do · what · we · need · to · be · free.

Ever since, we met
i know there has always been a small riverly
who can stay the thinnest,
who can stay the sickest
who can think the sickest.
and you have always won.
But who's wining now?
I don't care anymore,
I just want you to be ok.
I love you so much.
Just be ok.
just be ok.

Its about that time
to piece my self back together..
I dont remember who I was before all this
but its time to get better,
not be so weak
and stop clinging to the strong people
and find me again,
because its somewhere in all this mess.

ive been doing really well
a few slip ups..
hhere and there,
but nothing like last summer.

I think its time,
to stop priding my self
on my ability to be stong
and starve
and my ability to eat
and get rid of it.
its time to pull my self back together
and

I met someone last night.
I always like the ones who
are unaailable.
lucky me.

I drempt of him last night.
like he was mocking me.
I hate this.

I cant see you anymore
I cant talk to you anymore
I cant think of you anymore
in the same light.

What have I done?

My stomach hurt,
I looked though my kitchen cabinet
for some advil
I stumble across
laxidives.
They are on the top top
faced away.
Not for me to see.
My parents know of my laxidive problem,
I grab the advil,
take a swig of water,
and quickly close the cabinet.

I am on the treadmil
with my hands gripping the sides of it
to keep me going.
My eyes are closed
I am playing whale songs
to calm me down
to meditate
I am trying to think of nothing
I am trying to think of nothing
but those laxidives keep
comming into my head.

Why i stopped
starving myself

why I started eating
and living
again

is this living?
the after part
is this living?

The things you
have to live with.
And without.

oh
my
god.
thisboy
andmy
heart.

Isn't he fabulous.
So freekin hot.
 

I have a problem.
I play the same song
over and over
way too much.

My current obsession is
Ll Cool J. Head sprung<3

aha so so getto